caricatures and cartwheels

Caricature

Suah is right. She usually is. She commented on my last entry that I'm like a caricature of myself sometimes. Yes...especially this blog. I exaggerate and embellish. I also try to be a little entertaining. I don't lie -- well, at least not intentionally.

Caricature is defined as "A representation, especially pictorial or literary, in which the subject's distinctive features or peculiarities are deliberately exaggerated to produce a comic or grotesque effect." Yeah, this blog is that. That's why it bothers me and intrigues me at the same time when people who don't know me feel like they know me via my blog entries. I was told by someone I've never met that my blog entries revealed that I was a very lonely girl. Of course my blog entries do let you know my preoccupations, worries, and woes. But it's definitely not my most faithful attempt at "describing" self. Yes, I'm probably lonely. Maybe even lonelier...or maybe not that lonely?

My readers who are my friends probably do get the added benefit of knowing what is on my mind -- much better than those "friends" who ask, "how are you?" expecting nothing more or less than "fine." There are some people who call themselves "friends" when they're genuinely disinterested in your life, woes, and wows. Rukku asked me how I was today. I told her "my blog will tell you." She laughed. She reads my blog but is a smart cookie and knows that there is probably more (or less) going on in my life (mind) than what the blog portrays.

I have two friends who let me read their semi-private blogs. One friend explained that s/he had nothing to hide from me. If that's the reason for free license to read uncensored thoughts...that boils down to two possible reasons...(1) my regard for them is of utmost importance or (2) whatever I think has relatively little or no weight. Or the blog actually does not contain uncensored material! :) Or, I'm dead wrong and over-analyzing. Anyhow, the reason my blog is not private is because I'm writing for an audience. My future stalker. My friends who may want to see my writing improve and my censored thoughts.


Cartwheels

I used to be and am still bad at physical education (or gym...whatever your school called it). I was uncoordinated from birth. I was always the last one chosen to join a gym class's [insert sport name] team because of my lack of athletic prowess. I never knew how to do a cartwheel. I was the only one on my missions team who couldn't ride a bicycle at the age of eighteen (going on nineteen). I can't parallel-park for the life of me. Being bad at sports and things related to sports will forever feel like a scarlet letter to me. I'm the weakest link. The only one who can't do what everyone else seems to be able to do as a birthright or something! Ughs.

When I see people dating and in committed relationships, the same feeling of inadequacy and incompetence permeates(there must be a better verb...sweeps?) through me. I feel like the last one chosen (or never chosen) to join a "team" in gym-class. I feel like the only one who can't do a cartwheel. The only one who can't ride a bicycle. Relationships seem like a birthright to so many people, but not to me.

great thing about being single: I was told by two sources who do not read my blog that relationships cost a lot of money and takes a lot of effort. The cons of dating are not necessarily the pros of not dating. However, money talk is awkward so that qualifies as a perk.

sad thing about being single: you start to wonder if there's something inherently wrong with you...wonder if there's writing on your forehead that says "do not pick" that only you are oblivious to.


This entry was probably my best attempt at expressing my uncensored thoughts.