how do you like them apples? (Good Will Hunting)

I made the switch to the dark side. I now own a Mac. I just couldn't deal with my laptop any longer -- it took too long to boot. However, I am blogging from my PC. Umm...I'm a little scared to really use the Mac. Woes. And most of my activities will still be from my PC until I master the Mac. I'm also a little stingy about investing time and energy learning a whole new platform. Just not in the mood right now.

I actually had a lot of deep stuff to talk about but I'm feeling a little lazy after having listened to the Mac store employee yap for an hour to me about the beauty that is the Mac. Even though I said yap...I actually appreciated how much he tried to deliver great customer service. While I can be cheap about certain things like free lunches and current & free textbooks (refer to previous entry), when someone really tries to deliver good service, I pay ... as in, I nod my head to those additional things they are trying to sell me. I have what Koreans call "thin ears." It might be the professional student side of me...where I tolerate people taking (wasting) my time if they're really trying to teach me something. I am a professional listener. I also think my one year at PwC taught me more about the importance of client service than anything else (i.e., how to be a good auditor).

Daylight savings suck. However, I woke up early enough to make it to church (this sounds like a bad thing...huh?). As in, I woke up 10 minutes before service. I had a cosmic debate with myself about the legitimacy of skipping church today since I had only woken up ten minutes prior to the start of the service and I would be not presentable for church. However, I remembered the thought I had last week. Last week, my mom and I went to church to attend the 11:11 service -- however, because U-Mich was still on break, there was apparently only one service...the 9:30 service. The relief I felt after having 1) tried to go to church; 2) stepped into the building of the church; 3) finding that there was no service to attend (out of my control) ... was definitely illegitimate but so clearly present. I confessed to my mother the state of my heart and she agreed about the feeling of relief except she added that this kind of heart was exactly what God doesn't want from me. He wants a heart of worship not mere sacrifices. I get that. On the other hand, I also believe that sometimes doing the motion/drill is very important. Even when my heart isn't quite there...sometimes forcing my body to be there is a signal I am sending to my heart to speed up-- and sync with my physical body!

In The Screwtape Letters the eponymous devil tells his nephew Wormwood that “One of their poets, Coleridge, has recorded that he did not pray ‘with moving lips and bended knees’ but merely ‘composed his spirit to love’ and indulged a ‘sense of supplication.’” He continues: “That is EXACTLY the sort of prayer we want; and since it bears a superficial resemblance to the prayer of silence, as practiced by those who are far advanced in the Enemy's service, clever and lazy ‘patients’ can be taken in by it for quite a long time.” Coleridge should have realised that the kneeling is one of the prayer’s formal, structural concerns. His act is judged unfitting by that physical standard. The combination of the physical and the verbal by which communion occurs (that becoming part of God) functions in such a way that it reminds the worshipper that the physicality itself is part of the word.

Now, I must go to an APALSA eboard meeting, learn Partnership Tax, and learn how to use an apple (computer).

the "right" man?

"But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd; the idea that we can only be complete with another person is EVIL!! Right??!!... You know, I guess I've been heartbroken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, from the starts I make no effort because I know it’s not going to work out, I know it’s not going to work out."

Hello girls and boys! The quote above is from one of my favorite movies, Before Sunset. I went to see it with Suah when it came out in theaters...and we hadn't seen the prequel. I think my entry will be somewhat related to what Julie Delpy said but I'm not going to refer to it or force the connection. I hope my huge readership is doing well. I am doing well. I came back from Toronto yesterday. I saw my aunt and my eighteen year old cousin. Seeing a mother-son relationship while they're bickering back and forth (about clothes and studying) was interesting. I told my mother what I would do if I was in my aunt's position and upon hearing that, she thinks I'm going to be a really strict mom. Haha, we'll see. Maybe I'll update my huge readership on that years later when my son/daughter is being too naughty and sassy for me to take.

Anyhow, I got rejected from Washington, DC because I am not excellent enough. Well, to be more precise, a government agency in DC told me I was not excellent enough. Now, I don't have to be all confused about whether I want to do tax work or not. I will do tax work! Decision made! Why are rejections so hard to take? Even dings that shouldn't matter piss me off. I was probably not going to be able to say yes due to a prior commitment anyway but it still hurt. But to make things better and sweet,  Kim & Chang told me that my wagamama arrangement of working for them in the later weeks of the summer for five weeks is "acceptable." YAY.

When my aunt heard that I'll be in Korea and that I would interning at Kim & Chang, she got very excited and called her buddies. She is looking for someone suitable for me to marry. I have no idea if she is joking or not. But after I told her I was 26 in Korean age, she had the look of panic. So, if she was joking, she is probably no longer joking. The guy that she scoped out is in Hong Kong right now working in finance. He graduated from Harvard and is apparently amazing but short. He wants a tall woman. So I am not tall enough. Hmph! He is not tall enough for me too! Did you hear that whole analysis? This arrangement thing to meet up with people your relatives/parents set up is so shallow! I have four aunts and two of them will probably be very active in the search if they become serious about the matter. Haha. My mom was very excited about the prospect of my aunts playing matchmaker to her now old enough daughter. I am just right for the "match-making market." She thinks starting at thirty is too late. Also, she said since I'm not competent enough to find someone on my own, I should get help. She said it more nicely than that with lots of love. Strangely I don't hate the idea of being forced to meet eligible(?) bachelors. Why not? 

In the Korean dramas I've watched over the years, girls and boys were always forced to go meet people their parents or relatives thought would be suitable matches. They always whined...and wanted to find true love on their own (in the plot, they already had a significant other that their parents thought was not excellent enough). They behaved shabbily at those arranged meetings and brought shame to their family. Haha, so the idea that I should have is that these arranged meetings are bad and I must find true love on my own. Maybe I'm much more skeptical about the idea of finding true love or maybe I'm just lazy. But the idea that someone who you can trust arranging a meeting with someone whose specs look good at least on paper does not seem ridiculous to me. If my family thinks these eligible bachelors are potentially suitable to be my match...I should trust their judgment and at least be a polite, well-mannered and presentable girl at those cafes in the hotel when I meet those men (in the dramas, these arranged meetings always take place in a fancy cafe in the lobby of a hotel).

On the other hand, going on these dates after sifting through one's family background, education, and career (and face! since you probably provide a photo) is probably a very shallow exercise even though I suspect that this weighing thing happens in the context of finding true love on your own as well. I get why it's sort of wrong and is distasteful to those lovebirds in Korean soaps  And getting a ding before I even get to see the guy's face because of my so-called "qualifications" would be hurtful. I was not tall enough for the hypothetical boy in Hong Kong. I was not excellent enough! Bahs! Anyhow, if I do end up going on these arranged blind dates, I will blog about them. Hahah.

That is all for today. I must go open a textbook in order to be excellent enough for all those eligible bachelors! Or...to be presentable in front of Professor Kahn.

buffalove v. buffawoe?

It's been awhile since I last blogged in a serious manner! I apologize. E. Cha knows this but when I go to Buffalo, I become completely disconnected from the world. Did you miss me? I know one person did. She kept on ugh-ing. (Yes, I'm talking about you).

I don't have much to say. I have some random pics I took during the past few days! Here are some pictures plus commentary.

This is my fob-style picture with my cool glasses. I went to see Avatar with my family. I vow never to watch an IMAX movie again. Watching it 3D almost gave me a <3 attack. I once almost got a heart attack watching Star Wars with Tina and Gene. I think I have a weak heart for visual stimuli. Never again.

 J. Lafond sent me this picture. I don't know what the store sells but kind of cool.

Everyone should purchase this dish-washing soap. I thought I was taking a bath while using this soap. It was scent-fabulous! A really awesome experience.

Remember one of my February goals? Well, I gave up on keeping them polished. Also, for full disclosure, I did not accomplish my "go to the gym seven times" goal either. I only accomplished the  "give blood" goal and the Red Cross hasn't sent my blood back yet,  N. Chang and M. Choi. I wonder where these two are...they're on a road-trip, I think.

I found my sticker book! I guess I was a Pochacco fan. Strange. I hate real dogs. Well...hate is a strong word. I like dogs that are not needy (as in, dogs that stay away!).

Y. Kim (my mom) got an I-Phone! She is playing with her I-phone and ignoring me as we wait for our food. I guess this is how others feel when I do this.

Food at P.f. Chang's. I love Chinese junk food and junk food.

 

This is a picture that didn't make the cut last time.

In other news, I got an offer from a Korean firm for their summer program. (They had rejected me last year! WOES).  I asked them if I could work for them later in the summer for a shorter period of time before I go to Japan for my program at Waseda. I can't accept the offer as it is because of my gig at EY. They haven't replied back yet. I hope they let me. It will be cool to spend a few weeks in Korea. :)

I am going to Toronto, Canada for a beautiful haircut. Also, I get to see my cousin and my aunt.

That is all. Until I return to Ann Arbor, take care! I must now go catch up on all the blog action I missed out on and leave my valuable opinion (ie., comment like crazy).

dear readers

Forgive me. I am in the land of sparse opportunities to connect to the world wide web.

hermes, sec phone interview, grocery shopping

I don't know what other people do, but when I'm having a semi-important day, I need to make myself feel good.  I wear my favorite jeans, shoes, and eyeshadow. I also make sure to drink good water. Today, I sported my most expensive item in my wardrobe. My Hermes scarf! I'm still awkwarded out by it and don't know how to make it into a pretty knot. But it makes me feel better.

I had a phone interview with the SEC. I think it went okay but you never know. Sometimes the worst interviews turn out to be your best...sometimes the best turn out to be not so good. It was the first time I had two people on the line. It got a little confusing to hear two females of different ranks speak at different times. On the phone, their voices sounded awfully similar too. They said they let people split their summers (case by case approach) but aren't too fond of doing that. Hmm. Anyhow, we'll see. Most of my friends said to go with the flow and see what happens. I will do my best in every circumstance!

Because my landlord had to show our apartment to a prospective tenant, Sally and I went grocery-shopping. We went to the Korean market, Meijer, and Whole Foods. Do my groceries reveal anything about me? I love Capri-Sun. A box of ten pouches cost $1.70. That's mad cheap!

paranoia, paranoia...everybody's coming to get me!

My life in the past week and a half has been so eventful. Eventful only because my paranoia got the better of me. According to my sister, I don't deserve to have the affliction of paranoia...because I'm the type of person who does things very haphazardly. I should be chill if I'm willing to do things in this manner...yet, I get so paranoid and expect perfection as an output, while putting a lot less than perfection as an input (more about this at the end of this entry!). The only person I know who is more paranoid than me is my mom.

Paranoia episode #1

The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) e-mailed me about interviewing me for their summer honors program last week. I already have a gig with the Tax Department at Ernst & Young but I am so interested! I would love to work for the SEC! Government! Securities work! Washington DC! Also, since EY's start and end dates allow me to have a 6-7 week internship right after school, I am greedy for this opportunity. However, who knows whether the SEC would (1) give me the position and (2) allow me to split my summer. That is not the point of the entry though. The point is...out of excitement, I forwarded the e-mail I received from the SEC to a lot of my friends. However, no one got it. I kept e-mailing it again and again (checking with them if it arrived)....and then got very paranoid about this government conspiracy of not letting recipients of government e-mails to forward these e-mails. I'm always ready to perform a full out Google search when I have a question. I discovered that some e-mails can be manipulated to prohibit it from being forwarded. So I panicked! OH NO. THE GOVERNMENT IS NOT LETTING ME FORWARD MY E-MAILS. They are keeping track of my every movement!

The next several days (even today), I kept getting bounced e-mails back...not only did the government e-mail I forwarded to my friends bounce back, but normal emails I sent out that week also were undelivered. Later I discovered with the help of Nick that this was because I had changed the master-password for my u-mich e-mail but hadn't changed it in the Google-server. Bahs. And here I was freaking out that the government was spying and reading all my e-mails. Woes.

Another woe that keeps weighing down my heart is a spelling error in the e-mail I sent to the SEC lawyer. When I discovered that my response e-mail didn't make it to her, out of sheer panic, I quickly used my i-Phone (at the gym) to tell her what was up. I spelled "delivered" as "delievered." I couldn't sleep well because of this error. It stressed me out a lot. It still stresses me out.

Paranoia episode #2

This morning, I got paranoid because of an incident that occurred after I asked my favorite professor, Professor Logue, a question. He answered the question and asked "Mizzzzzz Kim" (using what he calls, his red-neck Southern drawl)if I understood. I quickly said dismissively, "Wait a minute, I'm doing the math!" Because my brain was busy doing basic arithmetic, I unintentionally dismissed my professor crush with a rather chilly voice. I'm sure he didn't take it to <3 but I'm paranoid that he hates me and thinks I'm a rude rude girl. Double woes.
Life-long paranoia

So I "steal" things. Well, not intentionally!!! So when I'm somewhere...and there's something lying around that looks like something I own, I always manage to (챙겨) bring it back with me. Pencils, pencil cases, little stuffed animals, hole-punchers. I'm so good at keeping track of stuff that looks like my stuff! But...when I come home, I discover later...that I possess two identical things. I see two stuffed animals...two blue hole-punchers...and I realize then that what I brought back belonged to someone else! After all, the Industrial Revolution took place and things are mass produced nowadays. My things are not so unique as to eliminate the possibility that someone else owns the same exact thing. This habit has calmed down a bit but recently I discovered that I owned two blue hole-punchers. How did that happen? Whose property did I steal? What is the penalty for unintentional theft? Woes.

Silly silly (incompetent) me.

So, after getting so much chocolate from Liz, Sally and I decided to get her ice-cream from Jeni's that Tina enjoyed so much. Today, I received an e-mail addressed to my e-mail account but something was totally off. They referred to me as Elizabeth Cha.



"[Elizabeth][t]hank you again for your order from Jeni's Splendid Ice Creams!"

When I clicked on the link to check the status of the order...it was on its way to Ann Arbor.



...


I had put Liz's address as the billing address and my own address as the shipping address.


Triple, quadruple woes.

I am utterly unimpressed with myself. I will get four pints of ice-cream I ordered for Liz tomorrow.

being part of the 3% of the population is hard

My big goal of February was to donate blood. I came back from the ordeal. Obviously I'm OK...since I'm typing away. But I am going to throw a temper tantrum. Sally got to see my first one when she picked me up-- I burst into tears as I babbled about the experience. My mom and Tina/Gene experienced it via telephone (a more subdued version). I shall throw my last temper tantrum via blog. Perhaps exaggerate and add some drama.

This blog entry is going to take forever to write because of my band-aid. Apparently, three out of 100 Americans donate blood. I bragged to Suah that I was going to be part of 3%...not 97%. I like how the sticker they gave me says "I make a difference," rather than "I made a difference."

So I went into the private little cubicle for my mini-physical. I miscalculated when I had traveled to Korea and Japan when she asked if I had been out of the US/Canada in the last twelve months. When she entered that I had gone to Korea...a malaria alert (for SOUTH KOREA) popped up. She said due to risk of malaria, I couldn't give blood. I keep forgetting S. Korea is so ghetto.... bahs. I told her I misspoke and that it had been more than thirteen months. She gave me a stern look and asked if I was 100% sure. I told her I was 100% positive.

So that was a minor hurdle. The major hurdle was...according to the "nurse," the size of the "veins I brought" her. She gave up on my right arm quickly. Then she searched for a vein on my left arm. She looked worried and then saw my panic. She said, "Honey, it's not that you don't have veins...it's just that they're tiny!" She brought another woman for a "second opinion" and they discussed the state of my veins without taking into consideration that I could hear their discussion. I especially did not appreciate when she said to the other woman, "I might want to try this one...but it's the size of the needle." Um...I have a high threshold for pain (people who give me facials always tell me so), but like Sally, once you express something I can visualize, I go nuts. Panic set in.

I wanted to shout, "I don't need to make a difference! I don't want to! Let me out!" But I just closed my eyes shut as she inserted the needle into my vein. (Later my mom and Gene told me that it probably wasn't my vein that was problematic...but the "nurse's" lack of expertise at finding veins...and unfamiliarity with Asian ppl's bodies). I think she used a bad vein. After awhile, the blood didn't seem to flow out...so she added a lot of pressure to my arm...to squeeze my blood-juice out like an orange. Yuck. I totally felt like an orange.

The last time I gave blood was when I was a junior in high school (7-8 years ago!). I fainted. Back then I had a "high school sweetheart" who came and held my hand as I laid there like an invalid. I was horrified that I had fainted...but also horrified that he was there because I had not washed my hair that day. I remember that feeling of shame so well. Minor detour. Funny how that is one of my fondest memories of that year.

After I was done, the woman escorted me...but I became faint. She let me lay down and put a brown paper bag over my mouth. After awhile, I was totally fine. But it was such an emotionally overwhelming experience. Just because of that one phrase..."the size of the needle." VOM.


I called Sally and asked her to pick me up at the law school. I sat on the steps...and out came Judith and Tad. It was so nice to see familiar faces. They worried about me and told me to go inside since it was cold. But I stayed outside...and when Sally came, I jumped into the car...and burst into tears!

That is all.

great thing about being single: None.

sad thing about being single: no one holds your hand when you're throwing a temper tantrum...!

I no longer look like a terrorist in my passport picture!

I renewed my passport and got it in the mail today. My previous passport hadn't expired yet. I had three years left before I had to get a new one...but I had to get a new one for different reasons. I totally looked like a terrorist in my passport picture from 2003. I was having an awful day when my mom dragged me to take that picture. I didn't even try to look half-decent. It was a disgusting picture. I was so embarrassed of it every time I went through customs. I had to hide it from my friends when we traveled together. Nick asked me to post it on my blog. I would never ever do something like that. Plus, I had to send it in to get my new one! Hopefully the government burned it.



You know when you see people missing or dead and on the news? Sometimes the most unflattering pictures are used. Your passport picture is semi...the most official picture the government has of you. So if I were to commit a crime while my old passport was in effect...or if I was abducted by the North Koreans, people would so use that terrorist-looking picture of mine. If I died...it would be that picture too. I know this is ridiculous but for some reason, that is not how I want to be remembered or talked about. It's not quite vanity. It's just that...that picture was extremely ridiculously unflattering. So yay! New picture. I look mad chubs and snippy in it but I don't look like a terrorist!!

I may go abroad next semester!

Not 100% sure since I have to do the application -- but it is very likely that I will be studying at Waseda Law School in Tokyo, Japan this coming fall! Fall 2010 :)

Hopefully I can go. Even if I can't go...I don't think I'll be as disappointed. I realized there are so many classes I want to take in law school. I want to take so many different kinds of classes.

The funny thing is...the grass looks greener on the other side all the time. I like the idea of classes but actually taking them isn't that great. Oh woes.

If I go to Tokyo, I will send you a postcard. Leave me an address. Heehee <3