substitute gods

In one of Tim Keller's books, he quotes Simone Weil who said "One has only the choice between God and idolatry." One of his pet sermon messages is that we need to recognize that we are all actively participating in "self-salvation projects." What he means is that we are looking for self-justification by depending on things/people other than Jesus. We are all trying to be our own saviors.

Some give their all for their pet causes-- democracy, fighting for the poor, fighting for the wrongfully convicted, etc. Others live for the success and happiness of their children. Some people want to achieve the state of "self-actualization." Some people want to experience true love. Others...money, success, intelligence, good looks, great bodies, peace, self-satisfaction, etc. We all have our pet idols.

Idolatry is such a taboo word and people misunderstand the concept as being inapplicable in their lives. You think of silly people worshiping silly things like golden calves or wooden figures. But idolatry is much more complex and is extremely pervasive in our lives. It surrounds us-- and it's not necessarily the bad things (drugs, money(?), power(?), sex(?), etc) but the good things that we want that makes us desperate, thirsty, and unsatisfied. We are obsessed with wanting good things for good reasons...but possibly ignoring the best thing that will ultimately satisfy our thirst. (That's Tim Keller's message).

In college, I served the gods of diligence and achievement. I wanted to prove that the money spent on a my rather expensive education was justified and that I was not dumb. I thought the only way I could prove this to myself and others was through getting good grades and ultimately getting into a good law school. I also took great pride in being extremely diligent compared to others. I can count in one hand the number of times I missed class. For me, being on time, attending classes diligently, and getting good grades was what justified my college education and generally...my existence. I was a harsh master to myself. I knew I wanted to get into a good law school from day 1 and that preoccupation drove me mad. I met a more gentle Master early on in my college years but the struggle of serving two masters is still very much part of my life.

Today, I skipped class. Just because I didn't feel like going. (It was a Professor Logue class too!) While I still serve the god of diligence...I replaced the importance of making sure I'm diligent with doing as I please. A Japanese word describes it well. I was letting my wagamama (there are also restaurants named after the word) rule supreme. Wagamama is roughly translated as childlike behavior marked by unreasonableness that is willfully selfish. I don't think I should beat myself up for skipping class but it makes me reflect that instead of uprooting the present idols in my life, I keep replacing them with new ones. Every vice I chase away is replaced with another one! WOES.