awkward good-byes

I always find saying good-bye to be an awkward exercise. As a student, you always have to say good-bye. Yesterday was the last day I had Partnership Tax. Today was the last day I had Japanese Law (last class ever with Prof. West). Last week, I had to say good-bye to Prof. Logue -- or rather, Corporate Tax. The good-byes don't seem real until the final exams I think. Final exams serve as good formalities.  I've having a hard time saying good-bye right now-- but after I see what these Profs have in store for me via the final exam, I will probably say...heck yeah, good-bye! That's how I felt after taking my Individual Income Tax exam last semester. I have very little doubt that our good-byes will be finalized like a divorce decree the moment I see the final exams. DK, KL, MW, please be gentle. I still have two more classes with Prof. Avi-Yonah. I trust RAY to be gentle and kind. Anyway, this good-bye exercise is bittersweet-- but at the moment, I feel a sense of loss. Must.say.good-bye.

My friends (especially NC) are so good at knowing what I'm up to by what I write. Yes, I have been watching hours and hours of television last night (not 36 hours straight -- and I did manage to shower!). One thing television does for me is it puts me back into perspective. I learn how to have higher expectations. I also am able to take a step back from my life and analyze it as a viewer (which my mom told me to stop doing-- I'm too introspective, she thinks). I am uncomfortable with being alone -- but I know that I will feel lonely when I'm with someone who cares for me. No one will understand me inside-out. Maybe only JC. Bahs. Soul-mate, where are you? Is JC the only one who can understand and love my soul?

drama = reality ?

How off do you think dramas are from reality? Probably a lot...right? I just started a new Japanese drama (素直になれなくて- Hard to say I love you) and I had to pause it to blog about it. So, last week in Japanese Law, we read cases about sexual harassment (I learned that this form of discrimination can only happen in the workplace!). So Prof. W explaining a type of sexual harassment known as "quid pro quo" said the following tagline: "Baby, let me touch your hair~ I'll make you manager!" Haha, it was hilarious at the time.Well, I still think it's funny.

Anyway, my point is...those cases are 10-20 years old. This drama I am watching right now is current. It is an episode from last Thursday, the 15th of April of 2010. It's the first episode. I like(d) it. I like the stuff this drama writer has done in the past (Long Vacation, Orange Days, Beautiful Life...so many of my faves). So it's about a bunch of people in their twenties (I'm sure it's going to get all love-dovey and what not) but the part I like is how it shows these young people struggling in their professional lives. They're at the bottom of the food-chain and are stressed at being not that great at their jobs, run into major problems with colleagues and lament over their deferred dreams/hopes! My type of story.

So this upper twenty-something year old guy who works at a magazine publisher just got sexually harassed by his boss who is fat, ugly, and old AND female! Awesome. I mean, I don't condone sexual harassment in any shape or form but it's fascinating that in Japan, on prime-time, a 27-ish year old grown man is getting sexually harassed by his female boss in order to stay in the publishing division rather than the sales division. He cried after he had to kiss her. Instead of forcing herself on him, she asked him to kiss her. I guess that's how females harass males.  Dramas probably don't portray reality as it is -- but there's gotta be some correlation to truth, no? I may be delusional.

For those who are wondering, I had a fabulous time at Prof. Avi-Yonah's house. He had Zingerman's sandwiches and brownies for us! I'm done with all the work for that elective! Yay! Also, I made it to the 11:11am service. My life is complete.

preparing for a class on my Sabbath

I have a class tomorrow! Income Tax Treaties at Prof. Avi-Yonah's house. It's the Sabbath! Oh well. I have to attend class because I'm presenting tomorrow on Article 23 of the US, UN, and OECD Model Conventions (it's as exciting as it sounds). For the longest time, I thought this brunch at Professor's house ordeal/adventure was taking place on a Saturday. He had told us the date of the event in advance but it never occurred to me that it could be a Sunday.

I've never had class on a Sunday. It is also at 10am-12pm which means I can't make it to the 9:30 or 11:11 service. I have asked Michelle to drive my sister and Tina to church. I can't be their stumbling block and prevent their church attendance. Because I have firm conviction that my Lord is like a Korean-parent, He will understand that sometimes academics prevent me from keeping the Sabbath holy. Okay, I lie. He's probably not like a Korean-parent. But I treat Him like one all the time. Even though I aspire to one day truly keep the Sabbath holy, for the foreseeable future, I will spend Sundays playing catch-up, doing homework and studying. When will I learn to rest on the Sabbath?

I must now go read what I'm going to say tomorrow at the brunch-table. The topic is "Relief from Double Taxation." There is one thing I wish would happen today but it won't. My life isn't that amazing. My heart will continue to hope but I must lower my expectations!

KORUS FTA (Korea-US Free Trade Agreement)

I need this to pass. Refer to bold, green text. There is nothing (no-one) holding me back in the US. Pretty-please, Obama!

Pending Congressional Approval

The United States and the Republic of Korea signed the United States-Korea Free Trade Agreement (KORUS FTA) on June 30, 2007. If approved, the Agreement would be the United States' most commercially significant free trade agreement in more than 16 years.

The U.S. International Trade Commission estimates that the reduction of Korean tariffs and tariff-rate quotas on goods alone would add $10 billion to $12 billion to annual U.S. Gross Domestic Product and around $10 billion to annual merchandise exports to Korea.

Under the FTA, nearly 95 percent of bilateral trade in consumer and industrial products would become duty free within three years of the date the FTA enters into force, and most remaining tariffs would be eliminated within 10 years.

For agricultural products, the FTA would immediately eliminate or phase out tariffs and quotas on a broad range of products, with almost two-thirds (by value) of Korea's agriculture imports from the United States becoming duty free upon entry into force.

For services, the FTA would provide meaningful market access commitments that extend across virtually all major service sectors, including greater and more secure access for international delivery services and the opening up of the Korean market for foreign legal consulting services.

In the area of financial services, the FTA would increase access to the Korean market and ensure greater transparency and fair treatment for U.S. suppliers of financial services. The FTA would address nontariff barriers in a wide range of sectors and includes strong provisions on competition policy, labor and environment, and transparency and regulatory due process.

The KORUS FTA would also provide U.S. suppliers with greater access to the Korean government procurement market. In addition to strengthening our economic partnership, the KORUS FTA would help to solidify the two countries' long-standing geostrategic alliance.

As the first U.S. FTA with a North Asian partner, the KORUS FTA could be a model for trade agreements for the rest of the region, and underscore the U.S. commitment to, and engagement in, the Asia-Pacific region.

The Obama Administration will seek to promptly and effectively address the issues surrounding the KORUS FTA, including concerns that have been expressed regarding automotive trade.

easter sunday

I love Easter. It is definitely my favorite Christian holiday. I like it more than Christmas. Easter defines what I believe in -- that Jesus is my Lord and Savior and He has conquered death. Anyway...today, I was at church with six of my close friends. I love Easter.  Did I say that already?

I loved the sermon today too. It was simple and beautiful. I especially loved Pastor Hayes's sentiments of what would make his last moment in life ultimately satisfying and complete. It would be Jesus calling out his name. He related it to how it feels extra-special when people who love him deeply call his name. I think this is true. I love the sound of my name. Whether it is Lily...or Ms. Kim (haha).

It's sort of like the Avatar version of "I know you." It might be a fetish...this desire to hear my name called out. I love the sound of my friends' voices! Don't you love the way that special someone says your name? Having Jesus call out your name must just be that much super-er and better.

Liz left for Philly. Now, I must go study. I wonder why I can't take today off. Afterall...my Savior Lord has risen! I wish I could take it easy on the Sabbath and keep it holy. However, I have slacked off too much. Oh, the world and its concerns! I am still such a slave.

hellos and good-byes

I just finished watching a Japanese one-episode deal thing. It is about "graduation" but the English word doesn't quite capture it. It's more like..good-bye...finished, next stage in life...etc. The storyline was rather blah...but it made me think. There's a couple...and the boy is leaving for Africa for two years (he's a photographer). He tells her rather last minute...and she gets very insecure and tells him that she's not up for long-distancing. Later, she discovers a box full of prepaid phone cards and a letter asking her to wait for him for two years. She runs and catches up to him...and to my surprise, tells him she won't wait for him. She tells him that he'll grow mature...and worldly during the two years in Africa. She can't pause her life and wait for him while he experiences life and becomes a newer him. She'll root for his success but she won't wait for him (when my English sounds awkward...it's usually because I'm translating my thoughts from either Korean or my limited Japanese).

I LOVED that. It was really sad but I loved it. It made me think of my life. Every time I am yearning to get of my comfort zone...to experience life and ready to say "good-bye"...there's another "hello" in my life that keeps me back a little. I get closer to friends...my life becomes less bleak. I rather enjoy life in Ann Arbor right now. I'm finally enjoying the people that are in my life. However, I must say good-bye. I can't pause my life. I have to keep going.

I love Ethan Hawke and most movies he's in. This is a quote from Gattaca (1997):

It's funny, you work so hard, you do everything you can to get away from a place, and when you finally get your chance to leave, you find a reason to stay. 

run!

전력 질주 수있는 시간은 의외로 짧다

全力疾走ことができる時間は意外に短い 


the time you can run with all your power is shorter than you expect (think)

-  it was originally said in a Japanese drama...I read the subtitles in Korean...and asked Sally for help in translating it into English. Google Translate was perfect at translating the Korean to get the original Japanese...but failed in it's attempt to translate it into English.


Google's attempt: Time can be surprisingly short sprint.

I'm in my twenties. I need to start sprinting.

sparta?

I apologize to my faithful and needy reader for not posting yesterday. I had a really bad day. I slept most of that day away so I had no time to blog or read for Partnership Tax. I never read for International Tax so that is not new news. I am officially more than 270 pages behind in my reading for that class. Woes.

I was lucky in Partnership Tax and was not called on. I don't know if I would have said (1) Professor...I didn't get to the problems or (2) Well...since this is a blahblahblah (proceed to read off old outline) if he had called on me. Probably the latter.

As I'm taking mostly tax classes, I am in the same class with the same old people. There are two girls that really irritate me and I can't control my eyes from rolling due to their same old lameness. They are always without fail late to class. They are always without fail unprepared for class. I don't know why Professor Kahn keeps calling on them. I guess he sort of enjoys the awkwardness that follows after their "I didn't get to the problems"? What a sadist. On the other hand, the two girls make every other person in the class look amazing. This was a hater-entry on my part.

I am in the reading room at 7pmish on a Tuesday! That is why the hater in me has come out. Why?! It is Sparta-time. I must must must read.

Random thought: God is a genius for having created the maternal instinct. I can't imagine how I would ever care for anyone in that loving (slavish?) manner when I can't even get myself to boil hot water or make my bed. Genius.

how do you like them apples? (Good Will Hunting)

I made the switch to the dark side. I now own a Mac. I just couldn't deal with my laptop any longer -- it took too long to boot. However, I am blogging from my PC. Umm...I'm a little scared to really use the Mac. Woes. And most of my activities will still be from my PC until I master the Mac. I'm also a little stingy about investing time and energy learning a whole new platform. Just not in the mood right now.

I actually had a lot of deep stuff to talk about but I'm feeling a little lazy after having listened to the Mac store employee yap for an hour to me about the beauty that is the Mac. Even though I said yap...I actually appreciated how much he tried to deliver great customer service. While I can be cheap about certain things like free lunches and current & free textbooks (refer to previous entry), when someone really tries to deliver good service, I pay ... as in, I nod my head to those additional things they are trying to sell me. I have what Koreans call "thin ears." It might be the professional student side of me...where I tolerate people taking (wasting) my time if they're really trying to teach me something. I am a professional listener. I also think my one year at PwC taught me more about the importance of client service than anything else (i.e., how to be a good auditor).

Daylight savings suck. However, I woke up early enough to make it to church (this sounds like a bad thing...huh?). As in, I woke up 10 minutes before service. I had a cosmic debate with myself about the legitimacy of skipping church today since I had only woken up ten minutes prior to the start of the service and I would be not presentable for church. However, I remembered the thought I had last week. Last week, my mom and I went to church to attend the 11:11 service -- however, because U-Mich was still on break, there was apparently only one service...the 9:30 service. The relief I felt after having 1) tried to go to church; 2) stepped into the building of the church; 3) finding that there was no service to attend (out of my control) ... was definitely illegitimate but so clearly present. I confessed to my mother the state of my heart and she agreed about the feeling of relief except she added that this kind of heart was exactly what God doesn't want from me. He wants a heart of worship not mere sacrifices. I get that. On the other hand, I also believe that sometimes doing the motion/drill is very important. Even when my heart isn't quite there...sometimes forcing my body to be there is a signal I am sending to my heart to speed up-- and sync with my physical body!

In The Screwtape Letters the eponymous devil tells his nephew Wormwood that “One of their poets, Coleridge, has recorded that he did not pray ‘with moving lips and bended knees’ but merely ‘composed his spirit to love’ and indulged a ‘sense of supplication.’” He continues: “That is EXACTLY the sort of prayer we want; and since it bears a superficial resemblance to the prayer of silence, as practiced by those who are far advanced in the Enemy's service, clever and lazy ‘patients’ can be taken in by it for quite a long time.” Coleridge should have realised that the kneeling is one of the prayer’s formal, structural concerns. His act is judged unfitting by that physical standard. The combination of the physical and the verbal by which communion occurs (that becoming part of God) functions in such a way that it reminds the worshipper that the physicality itself is part of the word.

Now, I must go to an APALSA eboard meeting, learn Partnership Tax, and learn how to use an apple (computer).

around 40

I had a chit chat with one of my professors today (it was an awesome experience). He is around 40 years old. I have no idea how he evaluates his progress in life but on paper, he's definitely a high-achiever. All my professors are on paper (at the very least)...high achievers. I think I look up to them a lot. I wonder what the correlation is between paper achievement and off-paper achievement. Some may say there is none but I don't think that can be quite right.

I wonder where I'll be in life around 40. Will it be my kids that preoccupy my mind/day? Their academic achievement? My career? My husband's career? (If and only if he runs for political office...hahaha) Religion? Meeting ends? Will I achieve much both on paper and off-paper?

I just had a battle with bugs in my room. I sprayed a lot of bug killing spray. My room smells like bug killing spray and a lot of it (sorry this is an ambiguous pronoun! haha, the spray) spilled onto my bed. Oh no.

Also G. Kim is mad at me for not going out to bar night. He dared call me a party pooper when he is one 22/7! Anyway, faithful readers...have a beautiful Thursday night.

so much, so young

I decided to make my blog private. I'm allowed to invite 100 people to read (access) my blog. I don't know 100 people who would be interested in reading my blog. Out of the 40-50 people I invited (with 30 acceptances so far), I think there's maybe 7 (I exaggerate...2? 1?) who would read my blog religiously. But I wanted to give access to people I consider non-creepy.I don't think there were any creepers reading my blog but I just didn't feel comfortable since I tend to say a little too much.

I had a semi-panic attack realizing that there are some people in the world with whom I do not want to share my babbles. I loved the response I got from two people after I had invited them. They expect risque material now that the blog is private. That wasn't my intent but maybe I will. Hah.

I am watching Dean Sarah Z walk across the reading room while texting! She once held the keys to my entry to Michigan Law. That little woman has so much power. Ok. I must now do the little things in life that matter for less than 1 hour but do matter during that 1 hour.

 Until next time...have a good one, faithful readers!

+

While doing my Waseda application, I had to figure out all my schooling from my elementary school years. I had to lie a little because there were only 8 slots and I attended way more than 8 schools since 1st grade (I moved around a lot). After the 8 slots, the application asked me to count the years I've been in school since first grade. I counted...and it was 16 when B. Houston was with me. I counted again...and it was 18 (I was never a math whiz). After 3L and potentially my LLM...I will have 2 decades of schooling under my belt (without counting the important years I wasted in preschool and kindergarten).

I tried to cheer G. Kim up by telling him how well educated he'll be by the time he finishes his med schooling/internship/residency/fellowship. He'll have close to 3 decades of schooling/training!!

We are such useless beings in society! LOVE education.

mining old thoughts

In Buffalo, I went on a treasure hunt through my old stuff. I found so many journals...where I had written entries in a sporadic and inconsistent manner. I found a journal that I used when I was studying abroad in London. It's fun to read old entries because you are in a sense reminded of what troubled you at that time. Even though I had to piece my entries together like an archaeologist with less than 100% material, my thoughts and preoccupations were well preserved in my journals. Tina mentioned something along the lines of this today...saying that she deliberately documents some of her thoughts onto her blog for herself later down the road. I think this is true. We are such forgetful creatures and thus leaving a trail of our trials and tribulations is later going to be a reward to our future self.

I should start keeping a journal again. Even though this blog helps, I'm definitely less than 100% candid on this thing. I have NO idea who is reading so I have to be a little careful and can't disclose my every thought. It has to be filtered a little. Theoretically, anyone who has my gchat info and/or is my facebook friend has access to this blog. But only those who care to read about my babbling will really be here to read my thoughts so I take comfort in that fact.

What I discovered from my old journal was that the same types of things bother me and stress me out. But sometimes, there are some rare jewels! Here is a moment that I think is precious:

The audience of my journal is God. It would be weird to thank myself or the spirit of a diary for Liz, wouldn't it? Anyway, that line "and thank you for Liz" on January 31, 2005 is left as evidence of how I was feeling five years ago. I must have just met her a few weeks prior to that entry. I had to cover portions of the journal entry because it revealed some problems in my life dealing with other people (not Liz since she was a newbie).

Mining old thoughts and hitting jackpot is priceless. Mining old thoughts and finding that little changed...is comforting but at the same time frustrating!

substitute gods

In one of Tim Keller's books, he quotes Simone Weil who said "One has only the choice between God and idolatry." One of his pet sermon messages is that we need to recognize that we are all actively participating in "self-salvation projects." What he means is that we are looking for self-justification by depending on things/people other than Jesus. We are all trying to be our own saviors.

Some give their all for their pet causes-- democracy, fighting for the poor, fighting for the wrongfully convicted, etc. Others live for the success and happiness of their children. Some people want to achieve the state of "self-actualization." Some people want to experience true love. Others...money, success, intelligence, good looks, great bodies, peace, self-satisfaction, etc. We all have our pet idols.

Idolatry is such a taboo word and people misunderstand the concept as being inapplicable in their lives. You think of silly people worshiping silly things like golden calves or wooden figures. But idolatry is much more complex and is extremely pervasive in our lives. It surrounds us-- and it's not necessarily the bad things (drugs, money(?), power(?), sex(?), etc) but the good things that we want that makes us desperate, thirsty, and unsatisfied. We are obsessed with wanting good things for good reasons...but possibly ignoring the best thing that will ultimately satisfy our thirst. (That's Tim Keller's message).

In college, I served the gods of diligence and achievement. I wanted to prove that the money spent on a my rather expensive education was justified and that I was not dumb. I thought the only way I could prove this to myself and others was through getting good grades and ultimately getting into a good law school. I also took great pride in being extremely diligent compared to others. I can count in one hand the number of times I missed class. For me, being on time, attending classes diligently, and getting good grades was what justified my college education and generally...my existence. I was a harsh master to myself. I knew I wanted to get into a good law school from day 1 and that preoccupation drove me mad. I met a more gentle Master early on in my college years but the struggle of serving two masters is still very much part of my life.

Today, I skipped class. Just because I didn't feel like going. (It was a Professor Logue class too!) While I still serve the god of diligence...I replaced the importance of making sure I'm diligent with doing as I please. A Japanese word describes it well. I was letting my wagamama (there are also restaurants named after the word) rule supreme. Wagamama is roughly translated as childlike behavior marked by unreasonableness that is willfully selfish. I don't think I should beat myself up for skipping class but it makes me reflect that instead of uprooting the present idols in my life, I keep replacing them with new ones. Every vice I chase away is replaced with another one! WOES.

celebrity blogs and great literature

I am so tired right now. I barely slept last night due to drinking coca-cola at 8pm. My body doesn't deal with caffeine very well. Most readers probably know this but I do not drink coffee. I don't know how to. I don't like the taste and the effect on my body is too much for me to bear. I drink pop or tea.

Anyhow, yesterday Sally returned from her trip to NYC and brought me this book! Her boyfriend had bought it for me. It is a book of Narimiya Hiroki's blog entries. He blogged for about 1.5 years. This is the perfect gift! I love the actor...blogging is my new hobby and reading this book of blog entries in Japanese will help me become better at the language. There is one thing I don't like about Narimiya (who is beautiful) that is so common among many actors with talent. He has the potential of being great but sometimes his awareness of his ability affects his acting. This is true of Ninomiya Kazunari, Lee-Byung-Hun, Jude Law...the list goes on. They were born with the gift but at times, their keen awareness of their gift makes their acting painful to watch. But some works that are unaffected by this awareness are genius.

Using Sally's train of thought-approach...I will now talk about Murakami Haruki. He is Narimiya's favorite author. How I know this, I don't remember. I love Murakami. One of the great things about being bilingual is that so much more work by geniuses is accessible in better forms. I read Murakami's work in Korean. I've tried reading him in English but hated it. Absolutely hated it. I don't think he translates well in English. His original work is in Japanese for those who are unfamiliar with him. Because I know that the structure of the Korean language is similar to that of the Japanese language, I have faith that the translation isn't too terrible. However, in English, Murakami sucks. Even I can tell you that authoritatively. I don't understand why anyone bothers to read Murakami in English-- it intrigues me. But maybe they see something I don't in Murakami's work in English. One of my life goals is to be able to read Murakami's work in the original language in which it was written.

I'm not at all interested in what Murakami has to say. I don't care too much for his plots (they're usually about psychotic lost people who I can't relate to). What I love about Murakami is how he says what he has to say. He is to me a Japanese version of Joseph Conrad or Ernest Hemingway. It's not the plot. It's every single sentence that attracts me. I am reading his latest novel "1Q84" that Liz sent me. The plot is blah. But I can't help but express amazement at how wonderfully he writes.

It's a little unfortunate that the work of Korean literary giants aren't translated often...or very well in comparison to Murakami. I think there are some great authors out there...both living and dead. There is one confession I must make. I judge people by the books they read. If you read a lame book, I will probably think you are lame. Even though it's not always true, I can get snotty about this. I'm not even close to being "well-read" myself. I don't like it when people show off that they're so well-read either. It's so snotty. However, if your favorite author is Dan Brown, I will definitely look down on you. I will probably smirk if you read trashy one-time best sellers too. I actually don't think reading is better than not reading if you're reading lame stuff written by lame people. It's a waste of time. One of my favorite things about my mom and my sister is that they do not read lame books. They're so well-read in comparison to me-- I especially respect that they always find time to read. I have a hard time finding time to read. I now "read" casebooks.

It took longer than I expected to express my snotty thoughts. Thanks for reading, girls and boys.

P.S. Tina, thanks for spamming my blog. I love how you manually check in to see if there are updates. I think the update function should work now though <3

valogram from dean z's blog & going to the movies alone

This is the acappella group singing "my life would suck without you" for our admissions dean. This is the song Stephanie and Sally sent me.

I went to see a movie alone for the first time in my life. It was "A Single Man" with Colin Firth. I never saw him acting as a gay man. Tom Ford directed it. It had really good ratings so I had great expectations. As always, Colin Firth delivers. He is a phenomenal actor. I had planned to catch a show last night but couldn't make it because my mom called. I didn't want to tell her I was going to go see a movie on my own. But I also didn't want to lie.

Today, I almost missed it again because she called right as I was leaving. This time I was truthful and told her I was going to the movies on my own. At first she seemed surprised but later was extremely supportive. A friend asked what was the difference between seeing a movie alone at home and at the theater. I don't have a clever answer for that but I think it's sort of like the difference between renting an apartment alone as a single girl and buying (and living in) a house alone as a single girl. Not sure if that made sense.

There was a line that resonated with how I was feeling. The present is a drag. Colin Firth counters to that statement...what makes you think the future won't be a drag. I don't know. But I cling to the hope of a better day.

lazy sundays

Sally and I decided to give up on our ambitious dream of attending the 9:29am service. Instead of being let down every Sunday by our laziness, we made the decision to shoot for the 11:11am service. Goals that are obtainable are wonderful.

Pastor Steve Hayes is actually...really wonderful. He might be my number 2 after Tim Keller < 3 .
random thought #1: as I've been watching a lot of movies/dramas starring Miura Haruma, I've decided that male actors (or maybe, all males) peak (looks-wise) at age 17-20. After that, it's pretty much downhill (probably true of females). I've realized how old I am by noticing that these new and coming actors (in Japan, Korea, ...the US) are all younger than me. They have these blossoming careers...and they're all younger than me. Woes.

random thought #2: I don't believe in being born again (except in the Christian-context), but if given the choice of choosing which gender to be born again in...I would definitely 100% choose to be born as a male.

great thing about being single: (borrowed and modified) I don't have to go to places where I don't want to go...and/or I don't have to wait for someone to finish looking at a painting (it always takes me less than 1 hour to view the entire collection of most museums).

sad thing about being single: (borrowed and modified) I don't get that somebody's perspective on a painting, movie, or...whatever. Also, I have yet to see Avatar. No movie dates (actually, this might be due to being in school rather than being single).

what I will do on V-day: I will go see Avatar on my own. It will be the first time I go see a movie on my own!

Every Sunday, I regret how I wasted Friday, Saturday...and most of Sunday. When will I learn?

thinking a lot

I'm thinking too much to have anything clever(?) or coherent to say today. So here are pictures of my desk area!

First picture: 2007 in my Water St. dorm at NYU




Second picture: 2010 in my room, today at Ann Arbor.



Not much has changed. I like the LSAT timer in my picture from 2007. I took the LSAT when the timer was banned! Same picture from Far East 2004 in both desk areas.


current thought (not random): I have two areas of law I'm interested in. There's a saying in Korean that if you chase two rabbits...you end up not being able to capture either. More on my pondering later. But I do want to end up in Washington, DC. I think.

great thing about being single: I can be emotionally promiscuous...emotionally unfaithful? I don't owe emotional loyalty to any boy as far as I know. No one expects emotional fidelity from me! Please send me a pigeon with a message if I owe you any emotional loyalty. I'd like to know!

sad thing about being single: while it could be stifling...loyalty in a committed relationship might be not a negative thing at all.

jehovah's witnesses came by my house today

I've learned from an early age that those friendly people who randomly ring your bell with wide smiles are Jehovah's witnesses...what we call "sa-ee-bi" (in Korean). People believing the wrong faith or believing the right faith in the wrong way? I guess in English, cults? I don't know if it's legitimate to call Jehovah's witnesses as cult members nowadays. I don't know where they stand these days in the politically correct world.

They rang my bell because we were Korean. The white male was accompanied by a small Korean boy. The white male asked me if I could read Korean in Korean (his Korean was superb) as he handed me a magazine that asked "Are you working too hard?" The magazine's title was "Wake up!" As soon as he handed me the magazine, I knew what was up. The spelling of God in the magazine was off for one. There is a way Christians spell it and how others spell it. It was spelled the latter way. Second, they were very well dressed and looked too gentle and nice to start selling me material goods. The little Korean boy looked nervous as I stared at him. The two wanted to share something greater!

I don't encourage cults to go around sharing their message but I'm sure at some point, someone thought I was part of a cult when I went around ev-ing. Those Chinese students in China, those people on the streets...during KCCC training...at least some of them must have thought I was nuts! So, I expected more as a fellow cold-faith-sharer. I wanted them to at least try to convince me. My complaint is...they were too nice to me and didn't give me their message. They just handed me a magazine where I had to figure it out for myself what their message was.

I was quickly able to see that either 1) they're just gentle people; or 2) it's their first time and they're shy! I always complained about the old Korean ladies in Flushing, NY who would without saying much hand you a pamphlet about Jesus. Lame!

You can't hand papers and expect people to listen to your message-- whether it is the truth or not. But I know how hard it is to go against the world...having people believe you're part of some sick cult. That's why I sympathized with them. Though I'm sure...to an extent, they think I'm part of a cult and they're part of the Truth. This encounter reminded me of when I was bold...and put my present self into shame. I have become lame!

Anyway, my heart of stone may be thawing a little. Praise God. It's nice to see your heart move a little...break a little for things that break God's heart.

are you on someone's bridesmaid track?

It seems like all girls do when they meet up nowadays is talk about weddings. People are getting married right and left. Especially Christian girls. The panic sets in! Someone told me my eggs are rotting! :( A medically irresponsible statement made by a med student. Ok...perspective! I'm still 24. I'll worry about them eggs when I hit 32.

By the time a girl is in her second year of grad-school, she has an idea of who will definitely be her bridesmaid. There might be one or two empty slots but a good number of them have been filled. And then, you meet new people...and they might get on your bridesmaid track (as Tina calls it). They might expand your bridesmaid-crew or kick someone else off! (This also depends on how many friends your future husband has. If he has a lot of friends, you don't have to kick people off your bridesmaid track...you might have to recruit less-than-bridesmaid-worthy friends to fill the hole. If he has no friends...you might want to lend him your guy friends or kick one of your girls off.)

For someone who has a sister, it's easy. Sally will probably be my bridesmaid. But!!! I have a standard that I might have to revise. I told Suah when she was getting married that there was no way she could be my bridesmaid because she was married. She said she would produce a flower boy/girl for me. That has been my standard -- no married girl will become my bridesmaid.

But!!! What if I get married when my younger sister and all my close girlfriends are already married? It seems like a likely scenario. Should I revise my bridesmaid track qualifications by lowering(?) my standards? Married women allowed? But definitely not pregnant ladies. Sorry...I can't lower them any further.

Eh, I should probably Las Vegas-it when it comes down to me getting married when everyone else has been hitched. Woes.

Are you on someone's bridesmaid track? Are you on mine? Remember...you could possibly get disqualified. But I should chew on it for a little longer. Or...probably when the situation happens!

heart of stone

When I first learned about the earthquake in Haiti, I realized something very disturbing about myself. I have a heart of stone. I have become numb to world tragedies and the suffering of others. I don't quite know whether it's a lack of empathy that I have...or that I've just grown used to how broken the world is.

At the moment, I have very little passion for anything or anyone. God continually told Moses that the people He rescued from Egypt would continue to wander in the desert-- they had hearts of stone that were far from Him. I have skipped church for the past few weeks. I haven't physically been there in about five weeks. Emotionally and spiritually, I don't think I have been in church for even longer. Intellectually, I'm on and off.

I am extremely disturbed by my state. When I see people of passion -- whether it is for God, their significant others, political causes...it causes me anxiety and discomfort. Not because I want to be like them-- with a heart stirred and excited...but because I may be afraid of becoming passionate. Or maybe...I still want to be like them but I just don't where to start.

I know a heart of compassion is more than the result of natural feelings of empathy. It is also a product of a disciplined mind set on serving the Lord and His people. Why am I still in the desert? I'm further away from my vision than I was five years ago. And why, why, why am I so complacent about my current state? I do not feel any urgency..though I am probably dying of thirst...slowly but surely.

A Pink Floyd song that played in the beginning of "Blue Fireworks" (Ninomiya Kazunari's first major movie) had a line..."Why was Jesus crucified...did I watch too much TV?" Perhaps too much TV watching has caused my mind, heart, and body to become numb...to the world and to the condition of my heart.