nick is my IT-guy

Nick has my laptop. He is changing the hard-drive of my computer because my computer has been uber-slow. It makes clicking sounds. Hopefully the switch will make my laptop function normally again. If not, I will have to purchase a new laptop. I'm still one of those people scared of switching over to Mac. I'm most afraid that my extensive downloading tv-shows-activity will experience setbacks if I make the switchover. Oh the agony.

Side note: I really appreciate a tv show with good-writing + good-acting + good-directing. It pleases me so much! I want to clap. "Bloody Monday" Season II(TBS).

Also, I guess I can now have a theme in this blog of accounting for what's great about being single and what's sad about being single to amuse my huge readership.

great thing about being single: I don't have to eat out so much so I don't gain that weight that girls complain about when they're in relationships!

sad thing about being single: I have no one to go to restaurants with and due to having to eat leftovers of food I make (that I have no one to share with), I still gain that weight.

friday night for a lazy single girl

great thing about being single: I can go to bed at 9:42 pm on a Friday night.

sad thing about being single: no one cares if I go to bed at 9:42 pm on a Friday night.

are you on someone's bridesmaid track?

It seems like all girls do when they meet up nowadays is talk about weddings. People are getting married right and left. Especially Christian girls. The panic sets in! Someone told me my eggs are rotting! :( A medically irresponsible statement made by a med student. Ok...perspective! I'm still 24. I'll worry about them eggs when I hit 32.

By the time a girl is in her second year of grad-school, she has an idea of who will definitely be her bridesmaid. There might be one or two empty slots but a good number of them have been filled. And then, you meet new people...and they might get on your bridesmaid track (as Tina calls it). They might expand your bridesmaid-crew or kick someone else off! (This also depends on how many friends your future husband has. If he has a lot of friends, you don't have to kick people off your bridesmaid track...you might have to recruit less-than-bridesmaid-worthy friends to fill the hole. If he has no friends...you might want to lend him your guy friends or kick one of your girls off.)

For someone who has a sister, it's easy. Sally will probably be my bridesmaid. But!!! I have a standard that I might have to revise. I told Suah when she was getting married that there was no way she could be my bridesmaid because she was married. She said she would produce a flower boy/girl for me. That has been my standard -- no married girl will become my bridesmaid.

But!!! What if I get married when my younger sister and all my close girlfriends are already married? It seems like a likely scenario. Should I revise my bridesmaid track qualifications by lowering(?) my standards? Married women allowed? But definitely not pregnant ladies. Sorry...I can't lower them any further.

Eh, I should probably Las Vegas-it when it comes down to me getting married when everyone else has been hitched. Woes.

Are you on someone's bridesmaid track? Are you on mine? Remember...you could possibly get disqualified. But I should chew on it for a little longer. Or...probably when the situation happens!

forgot to blog, forgot to blog!

ugh, i totes forgot!

no updates.

No updates. I must get to bed by 11pm. I love sleep too much. I have so much work, but not really. But I feel semi-anxious in every class. The classes are so small! I never know when the professors are going to "Ms.Kim" it. Of course, Avi-Yonah will never. He doesn't know a single person in our tiny little class and for some reason thinks classes are supposed to last for about half an hour. He lets us out early every single day.

I have a presentation on Friday. I need to make a powerpoint. I forgot how to make one. I need to search my files in order to find a good template.

Also, I turned in my study abroad application. I am semi nervous around my professor who said he'd be my adviser. Interaction with study advisers are so awkward. My undergraduate thesis adviser was the former dean of Stern undergraduate college. That relationship was also semi awkward.

I plan to wake up early to eat a croissant tomorrow.

Wish my life was more interesting. Until then, ciao.

crazy tired.

Crazy tired to write anything of substance. Just checking in with my huge readership! I am so tired. I hate Mondays. I also hate crappy weather where the air pressure changes. I get crazy migraines. I just napped and I think I need to nap some more or just go to bed. Toodles!

brad < / 3 angelina?

Celebrity gossip in news portals seem to say that Brad and Angelina are finished. I shouldn't wish ill anyone's marriage...especially one that involves children...but their case is different for me. I find the news strangely satisfying...and want to say "I told you so." Ugh, so bad of me. Their relationship always left a distaste in my mouth. It hasn't been verified. Might be a rumor to sell magazines. This was a rather stupid entry. Apologies. I can't sleep.

1040! taxes!

I filed my taxes today! For the first time, I did not file a NYS tax return. I filed a Michigan return. The return asked me how much I spent on heating. I guess the state realizes that it is very cold. They wanted to give me a credit...but I made too little money for the credit to matter.

My effective tax rate for 2009 is 0% both federally and for Michigan state. How pathetic. I want to be taxed at 35%! I want to be rich! Hahah. That is what bugs me about those ultra-conservative young people who are too poor to have standing to argue about high tax rates. The government is definitely not taxing them at higher than a 7% rate...(or 15%). Argue about the tax rates when it affects you! You're not "ambitious enough" to justify complaining about your hypothetical future high tax rates when the government isn't even asking for a dime at the moment.

I have been a good citizen filing her taxes for the past four years. I have paid very little taxes. I have actually received part of the federal surplus when Bush gave out dough back when he was President. :) That was a bad idea on Bush's part but it was nice.

I believe in taxation. If only I was rich enough so the federal government didn't feel that they owed me...rather than I owed them. Be sure to remind me of my belief in taxation when I have an income that the government will tax.

helpless without my cellphone

Today, I had lunch plans with Tina and Keil. I went to pick Tina up from Dr. Kim's (Gene) place. When I arrived, I searched my bag for my cellphone to call her that I was outside. To my dismay, I had left home without my cellphone. If it was any regular old Ann Arbor apartment structure, it would not have been a problem. If it was Tina's place, no problem at all. I know exactly where she lives...I could honk...and I have the keys to her apartment.

However, Dr. Kim lives in this apartment complex where there are many buildings, each with many units. I was in the middle of the parking lot, surrounded by multiple buildings that were identical. I had visited his place once in the summer but for the life of me could not remember which apartment building was his. My own place was about ten minutes away. I debated whether to go back home for the cellphone or wait...or guess as to which apartment building structure it was and ring the bell. I saw some people walking my way and I debated whether to ask if I could borrow their cellphone to call my Mom...who could then call my sister...who could then call Tina. I only knew my mom's phone number. I thought I knew my sister's number but at that moment, I blanked. I was too shy to ask someone randomly to use their cellphone.

I stepped out of the car and tried to remember where Gene's apartment was. As I approached one building, I saw that on the front door near the doorbell, some apartment units had the last names of the inhabitants...but most of them did not. I was so torn as to whether or not I should gamble and ring the bell. As I grew more frustrated, out came Tina!

She had assumed that I was there but probably without the cellphone. Anyway...point of the story is, I am absolutely helpless without my cellphone. I have very few phone numbers memorized. Even if I had the numbers memorized, without the actual cellphone, life just becomes that more inconvenient. That is all for today. Writing everyday is so hard!

P.S. Never hype to your friends about a restaurant. I had built up Jolly Pumpkin way too much and they failed to deliver the same quality they delivered when I went there with Sally and Ben last week. Fail.

curry

I don't have much to say today. I made a lot of curry today. I will probably be eating curry for the next several days.

I may go abroad next semester!

Not 100% sure since I have to do the application -- but it is very likely that I will be studying at Waseda Law School in Tokyo, Japan this coming fall! Fall 2010 :)

Hopefully I can go. Even if I can't go...I don't think I'll be as disappointed. I realized there are so many classes I want to take in law school. I want to take so many different kinds of classes.

The funny thing is...the grass looks greener on the other side all the time. I like the idea of classes but actually taking them isn't that great. Oh woes.

If I go to Tokyo, I will send you a postcard. Leave me an address. Heehee <3

procrastination

It's January and I'm already falling behind in my work! Where did my plans to get my studying done early go? I have so much to do this week including submitting my Study Abroad Proposal. I have mixed feelings about going abroad. I really really want to go but staying in Ann Arbor might also work out. I could enjoy some grade inflation rather than take mandatory pass/fail classes. We'll see. I hope Prof. West says yes when I ask him if he'd be my 3-credit independent study adviser.

I told Tina this but professor-student relationships are so awkward. It's very hard to click...because professors are so risk adverse to start off with...and the relationship demands professionalism.  I am a professional teacher's pet but it has been harder to be as good of a teacher's pet in college and grad school. I totally mastered it in high school. I will keep trying.

the fourth day is the hardest

There's a Korean saying (based on Chinese characters)

작심삼일 [作心三日] -- meaning that a commitment/resolution loses a lot of its force on the fourth day and it's hard to keep those commitments/resolutions.

This blog is the same! It's becoming a burden. Haha.

Why is it so hard to be disciplined in so many areas of life? I can brush my teeth, eat, shower, eat... every single day but it's so much harder to study, write e-mails, do QTs, go to the gym, and do other tasks on a daily basis.

That is all for today. Posting for the sake of posting. Posting for the sake of consistency!

finding old friends on facebook

I used to move around a lot when I was a kid -- I can't keep the dates straight or the order of places I lived in straight. I can't tell you if I went to all grades of elementary school. I was born in Queens Hospital in Flushing, New York. At that time, my parents were living in Queens but would move to Brooklyn before Sally was born. When I was around five or six, my parents moved back to Pusan, Korea. I went to international school there -- this is where I met my first best friend in life, Tuulia. When my parents separated (the divorce took awhile...like five years?), I went to a different school which was affiliated with the U.S. army in Pusan. That was my first good-bye. The next year went by in an odd manner-- where I remember going to Korean elementary school but the details are fuzzy and the three of us were wanderers. Then, my mom took my sister and me to Florida for a little less than a year. I think I was either in third-grade or fourth grade. We went back to Korea and I went to Korean elementary school again (a different one) where I met my second best friend in life, Yuh-ah (I found her about a year ago on a Korean-facebook type thing). Spending a little less than a year, my mom took us back to the states-- this time, San Francisco. I was in 4th grade. I made many friends (and found one of them on Facebook!). Then, she took us to San Diego. This is where I spent three years. After three years, I would move to Buffalo, New York.

Yesterday, I found on Facebook many of the people I remembered from San Diego including my seventh-grade teacher! I had tried to look for them years ago but none of my closest friends were on Facebook. What was interesting that I discovered from friending them was that -- while my life in San Diego was a neat chapter that ended with us four being bffs and me leaving...their lives in San Diego continued. The two girls were still inseparable. But one of the girls that used to be in our "clique" was missing in all of their pictures. I found her on Facebook and saw that they had gone to different high schools. The two girls weren't even Facebook friends with the third girl!

It's interesting how while time with those individuals for me stopped back twelve years ago...for them, it continued and changed. Life went on without me for the three girls who used to be my best friends. Of course my life without them went on as well. I don't know whether it was a good thing for me to have moved around so much. Probably not. Not a single time was the good-bye a little easier just because I had done it before. But I'm not sure if I'm the type of person who is able to live in one place for too long. While the good-byes are hard, the hellos with the new people are pretty wonderful. I like change. I like meeting people from different walks of life. I don't think I can live in one place for more than five years. I might scream. Or maybe it's because I've never done it before. Maybe I can do it.

Side-note: Kind of corny but I was probably never truly lonely during the wandering since I always had my sister.

heart of stone

When I first learned about the earthquake in Haiti, I realized something very disturbing about myself. I have a heart of stone. I have become numb to world tragedies and the suffering of others. I don't quite know whether it's a lack of empathy that I have...or that I've just grown used to how broken the world is.

At the moment, I have very little passion for anything or anyone. God continually told Moses that the people He rescued from Egypt would continue to wander in the desert-- they had hearts of stone that were far from Him. I have skipped church for the past few weeks. I haven't physically been there in about five weeks. Emotionally and spiritually, I don't think I have been in church for even longer. Intellectually, I'm on and off.

I am extremely disturbed by my state. When I see people of passion -- whether it is for God, their significant others, political causes...it causes me anxiety and discomfort. Not because I want to be like them-- with a heart stirred and excited...but because I may be afraid of becoming passionate. Or maybe...I still want to be like them but I just don't where to start.

I know a heart of compassion is more than the result of natural feelings of empathy. It is also a product of a disciplined mind set on serving the Lord and His people. Why am I still in the desert? I'm further away from my vision than I was five years ago. And why, why, why am I so complacent about my current state? I do not feel any urgency..though I am probably dying of thirst...slowly but surely.

A Pink Floyd song that played in the beginning of "Blue Fireworks" (Ninomiya Kazunari's first major movie) had a line..."Why was Jesus crucified...did I watch too much TV?" Perhaps too much TV watching has caused my mind, heart, and body to become numb...to the world and to the condition of my heart.

blogging for myself and anyone who cares to read my babbles

The following is an excerpt from my second to last entry in xanga (2003-2006) on May 19, 2006:


"Junior year of college..is over. Junior year of high school feels like yesterday and 10 years ago simultaneously (but different moments hold different weights). Certain moments feel as though it happened yesterday while other moments...I have no recall whatsoever. Fall semester was a lot of fun. Spring semester....was interesting. Actually, interesting isn't the right word to use. It was overwhelming. Too much work, too much work, too much work. I met a lot of different people.....from work....from school. People came in and out of my life-- I had to be ten different versions of myself for the different people in my life....not to fake myself or anything but it is necessary. You put on different hats....for work, for school, for family, for friends, for semi-friends, for special people, for quasi-interests, for random encounters..."

I think I'm still the same person. For the most part, I am where I am supposed to be according to my plans in 2006. I was just starting to study for my LSATs and here I am in law school.

The excerpted portion is interesting because I made a pact to myself that I would finally let go of one of the ghosts mentioned in 2006 only recently. I was vague about who I'm talking about back in 2006 and I will continue to be as vague.

Anyway, I'm going to give blogging another shot. It won't be private because I don't think many people will read it. People who will read it are the people who I don't mind sharing my babbles. Quick story (confession-style for my first entry for my thirty year old self).

In my second semester of college (freshman year, 2004), I fell in love (?) with a boy at first sight. I had the biggest crush on someone who I hadn't even spoken a word to. After I found out his name, I performed a google search on him (a combination of his name and "Stern NYU") and discovered his xanga. JACK-POT! There were two years or so worth of blog entries. He was an avid blogger who poured out his soul on his xanga. Lucky me! For an amateur stalker, that was truly a great find. There were hundreds of entries. His xanga was his diary (obviously Asian-American). I read them all (seriously)in one sitting. I let my roommates read them and sent them over to Sally as well. That was kind of creepy of me.

I learned so much about him just by reading his blog. I'm sure the people who I shared the entries with also feel this way. He had almost no discretion. I never became his friend though later we would become acquaintances. One day, during the last weeks of freshman year, I happened to be in the same elevator with him. Just the two of us. I thought it was so strange how much I knew about him while he only vaguely knew who I was. It was a quiet elevator ride. As I saw him leave the elevator, I thought to myself...wow, life is so lame. Nothing like the movies.

Two years later, I was formally introduced to him (so, I could be on a hello-basis with him) by another boy. Anyway, I think the point of the story is...though I know there is no one out there performing an active, aggressive, stalker-like google-search on me, I want to be as open as he was and let anyone who is interested have some informational advantage. Well...it'll probably be only me five years later reading my old entries and giggling at how immature I was.

So here goes my blog for myself and anyone interested in my babbles.

시작은 어렵다.

시작은 어렵다.
아직 페이퍼를 시작하지 못했다.
핑계도 참 많이 대면서...
페이퍼를 피하고 있다.

왜 이렇게 시작은 어려운 것일까?

ㅠㅠ

2010

스물 다섯이 되는 해.

열심히 모든 것에 최선을 다하며 살자.

오늘은 청소를 시작했다.

내일은 Reorganization: Chapter 11 페이퍼를 시작해야지..ㅠㅠ

이런...

내가 있는 장소에서..

최선을 다하자가...

이번 해 모토.