I do LOVE Korea

Now the good stuff. I was talking to someone about this (I usually process my thoughts and run them through someone else before I can put it in writing) but this is what my take is: Koreans as a mass are terrible...individually, I think they are second to none (and BETTER than Americans). People you get to know individually really are gracious, helpful, and will go out of their way to make your life easier. As a mass, I dislike them. But once you get to know each individual at a personal capacity, the dynamics change completely.

First, my family. Of course family is different and I don't have non-Korean family but hear me out. My mom has four sisters and though they're usually all over the world, this summer, all four of them are in Korea. I love it! I think this is the best part of my stay in Korea-- the opportunity to spend time with my mom's four sisters. I appreciate them so much more than when I was younger. They have really gone all out this summer to make my stay here pleasant. I guess because I'm older, they've also been dispensing some of their personal take on marriage and their personal philosophies about what it's like to live as a woman. I had the opportunity to spend one on one time with all four of them and it's been great. They're great women. They are all so different from each other but the common thread is, they're proud of me and they care for me deeply (I really felt this...and it's the first time I felt this too). I think my relationship with each of them changed dramatically since the last time I saw them. Maybe it's because I got older...or maybe it's because we're spending more quality time together. Each one of them serve different needs. Number 1 is the caretaker. Number 2 dispenses advice and really just pours out love. (My mom is the third daughter.)Number 4 is the most practical and can solve any and all logistical problems within the hour (she's like the super secretary that people would kill for). Number 5 is like a friend. I can talk to her about what's on my mind and she gets me.

Second, the people at the law firm. I didn't really expect this...but I ABSOLUTELY love the people here. I love my secretary. You would think Koreans would be awkward people at the workplace. No! They're so friendly. They really go out of their way to make your experience better. They're gracious. They are humble and though nosy, they really do look out for you. Even strangers at the firm are so polite and make sure they say hi (and this is bowing and the whole package!). I might be a little too American for all that deference but it's really really nice. My mentor is a little too Korean-American to be in this mix but she's ultra-friendly. Okay, skip. Lawyers who have given me work have been absolutely wonderful. They thank me too much (I think it's a Korean trait...I also over-thank) and they take me out to lunch frequently. Anyway, that's work. Another great thing about work in Korea...is that because everything is so centralized and controlled, you don't fight or ask for work if you're very junior (and I'm v. junior). You would think this is bad...but actually it's good. You can't take ownership of your career early on...but this means that people will look out for you. You do the best job you can but you don't have to trample on other people to get the best work. Some higher authority will figure it out for you. It's all a mystery...and maybe I won't like this model since I'm pretty Americanized in how I view my career, but for someone at her second internship...this model is uber nice. You just wait for work and do your best when you get it. You also don't feel bad for sitting around. It's never your fault. It's just the way it is.

Third, my friends! I have quite a number of friends in Korea. Some of these friends were really close to me...some weren't. Yet, all of them have been so helpful. Jessica solved my cellphone problem within the first week I was here. My friend from middle school who I haven't met in over a decade and I had a great time talking. We really talked about the things that were going on in our lives...and it wasn't superficial chatter. Maybe it's me...but I really do appreciate it when you can pick up from where we've left off...even though we have time against us. I think it's something Koreans are especially great at. The ability to move on but still maintain that bond (kizuna, in Japanese). Maybe it's the language? The informal speech really does give a sense of friendship, closeness, and intimacy. I don't know.

And finally, I hinted at this from my post yesterday but this country is awesome if you're willing to spend some money. You can get anything done at any hour (almost) if you plan it out right. People will extend store hours for you if you tell them in advance. You can get appointments with doctors that work around your schedule (late at night or even on weekends). If you're dressed properly and have the right attitude (as in, snobby attitude), you can walk into any luxury store and touch and hold anything without getting any of the passive-aggressiveness you get in the states. People are ready to accommodate any and all needs you have. The people working at coffee shops are extremely pleasant too. (But you pay...tea and coffee here is so expensive compared to other things in Korea.) So actually, this final point isn't really a compliment. It's just an illustration of capitalism at its best (or worst).

I overwrote.

July!

1/2 of 2010 over!

Time flies. Kinda. Not really. Okay. This latter 1/2 is going to be crazy!

so much to complain about

but I shouldn't whine here. I've whined enough.

Been in the city for two nights, three days...48 days left in the city!

TBC.

oh no

I don't want this blog to die! But nothing to really blog about. Hope all is well!

pass-fail option!

I decided to pass-fail my last exam. I am too exhausted. I have no confidence. I am burned out! Yay, best life decision this semester. I will not let K. Logue grade 10-credits of mine. He already graded 7.

MLcontinuestoS

thursday, please come.


doug, please be kind.

MLstillS

it really really sucks.

MLS

MLS = my life sucks.

Michigan Law School makes MY LIFE SUCK.

zero sum game?

when you feel slighted, you feel awful. how many people have I slighted in my life? Sorry?

anyway, this partnership tax thing is giving me a headache. the international tax exam that i took yesterday suddenly feels like a monster. i still remember what i wrote (and didn't write) for both that exam...and japanese law (which i took almost a week ago). also, corporate tax...another big fat elephant in the room i don't want to address. ugh, panic attack?

deferral?

When you take 5 tax classes, you start to hear the same terms over and over again...(good thing I took Japanese Law to balance things out or I might have gone insane).

One of the words I keep hearing/seeing is "deferral"-- friggen, taxpayers love deferring paying taxes on their income (trying to take advantage of the time value of money -- everyone who appear in my tax books are millionaires+).

Deferring payment of taxes might be good but what about deferring hope? Deferring dreams? Okay...I confess. I have nothing to blog about because the only thing I did today was eat and study. Nothing amazing happened to me besides figuring out how to determine a partnership's taxable year. Yes, I'm serious.

A few days ago (maybe a few weeks ago...the days are starting to blur) Tina sent me a speech...wrongly credited to Kurt Vonnegut. Here are some of my favorite lines from it:

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You
will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until
they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at
photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much
possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You
are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead,
sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's
only with yourself.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children,
maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the
funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do,
don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either.
Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

My least favorite piece of advice from the speech:

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank
statements.

FALSE. Keep your bank statements -- throw away the old love letters. What will you do with them? I love hating on the old and loving only the present and the always fabulous future. One day, you will become my old...my past...and I will despise the idea of you.

(ir)relevance / I want to be in your life?

I think becoming irrelevant in someone's life is always somewhat of a sad ordeal. I mean, it goes both ways. If I become irrelevant in someone's life, I'm sure that someone is also slowly fading in my life (Kimura Takuya's line in the drama "Pride" was that after each good-bye, memories of that person were like photographs that turned into the color sepia). The really sad situation is when it's not 100% synchronized (when one party starts earlier than the other party). I think good-byes are awkward because the link that allowed one to be relevant in another person's life disappears. I feel secure in a lot of relationships with some people. I know that even when I go far away, the link remains -- we can pick up where we left off when we meet again. However, there are good-byes that really do mean good-bye forever and ever. Becoming irrelevant and saying good-bye is something we do all the time. I guess that's how we get to become relevant to other new people (hi!). I guess if they were meant to be in my life, they'll be in my life...it happens. Wait-- I don't really believe in that 100%. I think there is a lot of human effort that is demanded in order to be in someone's life. Anyway, if they're going to fade out of my life, what can I do but express gratitude for the moments of relevance.  (Why is someone's a spelling error?)

what o'clock?

I e-mailed my mom a few days ago saying that living through my twenties was harder than I expected. I was basically lamenting without using too many words. I told her I wanted to be thirty asap. She responded back saying that I was luckier than most and that learning to be grateful for where I was and what I have now would be the first step to finding inner peace. She's probably right. I am grumbling when I am so blessed. While I'm having fun for the most part, the twenties is semi a drag too. I feel insecure, alone, and generally dissatisfied.

I just read an interview of a Korean actress who is in her early forties. She has been acting for twenty years. The question posed to her was -- what o'clock are you at in your life as an actress (direct translation, sorry)? She said, she's at around 1:00pm in her life as an actress. She feels comfortable where she is and she doesn't feel the urgent need to prove anything. That was a pretty interesting question. I'm probably at 9:00am? Maybe a little earlier or later. Just around the time where things are starting to pick up...but it's too early to tell and I haven't proven anything yet. To myself or the world. I can't wait to be thirty years old. But at thirty (five years later), would I find peace?

"bad investments"

I've made some bad investments in people, both female and male. I didn't make too many bad investments in females -- maybe one or two lemons came in and out of my life. But there are some bad investments I've made in the opposite gender. I guess I can say this in hindsight because things didn't quite work out with the male investments.  So it might not be a totally fair assessment. Talking about relationships and people in this manner is probably not commendable either. Whatever. What's especially terrible about this is that because they're living and breathing, their mere existence is a constant reminder of how lame I was. I was lame for caring. I was lame for expending emotional energy. I'm not saying they were bad human beings (maybe one or two were "bad") -- they were just bad for me.

I will probably continue to waste my time and emotional energy on lemons only to find a future, more critical and rational me get incredibly and unbelievably frustrated with former me and all her bad life decisions (I plagiarized someone's exact words). Though I promised not to complain about my state, I still do. Two friends (newly made!) today told me something quite wise. I can't depend on others to make myself feel emotionally secure. If I do that, the moment that person withdraws affection from me, I'll be screwed. I can't give that much power to another individual. Yes. They're right. Anyway, I can't wait to strike gold! But is there such a thing?

I need to start withdrawing the affection and enthusiasm I've shown to the latest lemon(s) in my life. Wish me luck.

salt-water drinker

There's this Incubus song that asks "would you choose water over wine." I think it's an Incubus song. I can't really remember.

My problem is...I keep choosing to drink salt-water (metaphorically) over both water and wine. I know what I yearn for will fail to satisfy me. Yet, I keep drinking salt-water. I know there's better water out there...but I keep drinking the salt-water. I am thirsty and getting more thirsty.

When will I learn? Why must I make the same mistakes over and over again? Is it how I'm wired? I am going through a quarter-life crisis. Nick diagnosed me last year. Yesterday, I diagnosed myself. If you'd like to diagnose yourself, visit this link. Who would have thought the desire to have children would be one of the symptoms of this wonderful condition? Oh, woes.

greener grass and forbidden apple

The grass is always(?)  greener on the other side. Also, the forbidden apple isn't that delicious. It just looks really delicious because I'm not allowed to have it.

wake up call

Do not trust me with nice white things. Also, what the frick. Why do things like this happen at the very moment...when I'm sure it's not going to happen? (Last time I ruined a white as snow good was my sister's nice bag...).

As I was backing out of my driveway, I was thinking to myself...there is no way I can hit any of the cars parked on the street because of the angle. Well, as soon as I felt sure...I hit the car. Surprisingly, I was very calm.

I should probably get a car wash. My car is too dirty to illustrate what actually happened. I chipped the paint in several places. This white beauty is...less than 3 weeks old. WOES.

So what happened to the other car? (Do you see the white paint of my Snow White on this person's car?)

I am not sure if I should let the car owner know. I should...right? Woes. I went to church and then came back...and then went to dim sum with Gene and Tina. This is the third day in a row where I'm third-wheeling. I had dinner with them on Friday. Lunch with them on Saturday...and dim sum with them today. I will chronicle my third-wheel experience at a later time. However, one hint to those out there...become friends with both so that it's actually a hanging out with friends deal...not a crash someone's date deal.

Back to the story. As soon as I hit the other car...I realized...wow, wake up call. I needed that from above. I went to church after the hit...and was so preoccupied with the little bump incident. However, a strange line struck chord with me during worship.

"All that I delight...is in You Lord."


I can't say it's true. I wish it was but I delight in myself, in the praise of men, and in material possessions. And world peace.

Here is my fortune:

You're absolutely right fortune cookie. Absolutely right. Sally's flight got delayed. It is kind of messing up my sync...with what I wanted to do today. Woes. Lies. Actually, it's probably that hit...that has rattled me from inside. And my take home exam.

winter of my discontent

Now is the winter of my discontent...

Waking up to a take home exam is uncool to the max.

This is my breakfast:

I will embrace singledom!

Ugh, forgot to blog yesterday!

Until 2012, or at least until I hear that I have passed the bar (2011 August?), I will enjoy and savor moments with myself. No more lamenting! No more woe-ing! I will live happily as a single lady!

I will resume my lamenting in 2012.

skip-day

blogging skip-day!