mining old thoughts

In Buffalo, I went on a treasure hunt through my old stuff. I found so many journals...where I had written entries in a sporadic and inconsistent manner. I found a journal that I used when I was studying abroad in London. It's fun to read old entries because you are in a sense reminded of what troubled you at that time. Even though I had to piece my entries together like an archaeologist with less than 100% material, my thoughts and preoccupations were well preserved in my journals. Tina mentioned something along the lines of this today...saying that she deliberately documents some of her thoughts onto her blog for herself later down the road. I think this is true. We are such forgetful creatures and thus leaving a trail of our trials and tribulations is later going to be a reward to our future self.

I should start keeping a journal again. Even though this blog helps, I'm definitely less than 100% candid on this thing. I have NO idea who is reading so I have to be a little careful and can't disclose my every thought. It has to be filtered a little. Theoretically, anyone who has my gchat info and/or is my facebook friend has access to this blog. But only those who care to read about my babbling will really be here to read my thoughts so I take comfort in that fact.

What I discovered from my old journal was that the same types of things bother me and stress me out. But sometimes, there are some rare jewels! Here is a moment that I think is precious:

The audience of my journal is God. It would be weird to thank myself or the spirit of a diary for Liz, wouldn't it? Anyway, that line "and thank you for Liz" on January 31, 2005 is left as evidence of how I was feeling five years ago. I must have just met her a few weeks prior to that entry. I had to cover portions of the journal entry because it revealed some problems in my life dealing with other people (not Liz since she was a newbie).

Mining old thoughts and hitting jackpot is priceless. Mining old thoughts and finding that little changed...is comforting but at the same time frustrating!