happy sunday & japanese radio

Happy Sunday! Happy Valentine's to those with valentines!

I have started to listen to Japanese radio. I have been listening to Ninomiya Kazunari's "Baystorm" and Oguri Shun's "All Night Nippon." Listening to radio shows is a lot harder than watching television for several reasons. The most obvious reason it's more difficult is that I don't have any subtitles to these radio shows. The second reason is they tend to speak faster and much more informally than on television so it's a little unfamiliar to me. Nino is much easier to understand because I've watched him not only in dramas and movies but variety show programs. So his informal speaking is actually easy for me to understand. Oguri's radio show is a lot harder to keep up with.

The radio shows are forcing me to be more active in my listening. I heard that lots of immigrants (in the past?) learned how to speak English via watching television and listening to the radio. I've watched Japanese television for the past 5 years. Now I'm upping the game a little by listening to Japanese radio programs. It's not as boring because they're not talking about complex issues and I like listening to the two actors.

While I'm pretty bad at learning formal rules (I cannot explain to you how the language structure works), I think I'm pretty good at learning things in a haphazard manner. I can pick up on things rather quickly. While I can't explain how the grammar works, I am a good listener and a good imitator. That's how I learned Korean in the beginning. Later, I forced myself to learn it in a more formal manner to improve my writing.

Lets see how this goes! I still haven't heard back whether I'm allowed to go study abroad at Waseda or not. I think a decision that would allow me to go will make me a much happier person. It will also motivate me to become more deliberate in improving my Japanese.

saturday blues

I've been blue for a few days. Today, I woke up and went to Panera's for lunch and then to the coin laundry place to do some major laundry. There is a laundry room in my apartment but I've always for some reason wanted to do it in a laundry place. It was kind of fun. Watching the clothes wash and dry through the clear glass was a good killing time exercise. The machines there were so much better than the ones in my apartment. So strong!

The Tina-Gene couple did sweet little acts for me that upped my mood. Gene left me a pastry and a nice note in my mailbox today. Tina called the restaurant I wanted to takeout from for me (I was busy updating my iPhone and I also hate calling restaurants...so without her calling for me, I probably would have skipped dinner). Time for me to go get my catfish!!

great thing about having friends with significant others: I get two facebook friends instead of one and two friends instead of one and two perspectives instead of one. Also their boyfriends/fiances drive me around everywhere. I remember how John Hwang used to take me home from NJ to NYC all the time. Gene drove me around so much last year! When I talk to Suah, I know I can get some Dr. Hwang perspective and I get Dr. Kim's perspective when I talk to Tina. And look above at Dr. Kim's act of sweetness! Sweet deal.

sad thing about having friends with significant others: eh, maybe less time to hang out? Well...this is probably not a fair statement since I'm such a homebody myself to have time for physical friendship time.

valogram from dean z's blog & going to the movies alone

This is the acappella group singing "my life would suck without you" for our admissions dean. This is the song Stephanie and Sally sent me.

I went to see a movie alone for the first time in my life. It was "A Single Man" with Colin Firth. I never saw him acting as a gay man. Tom Ford directed it. It had really good ratings so I had great expectations. As always, Colin Firth delivers. He is a phenomenal actor. I had planned to catch a show last night but couldn't make it because my mom called. I didn't want to tell her I was going to go see a movie on my own. But I also didn't want to lie.

Today, I almost missed it again because she called right as I was leaving. This time I was truthful and told her I was going to the movies on my own. At first she seemed surprised but later was extremely supportive. A friend asked what was the difference between seeing a movie alone at home and at the theater. I don't have a clever answer for that but I think it's sort of like the difference between renting an apartment alone as a single girl and buying (and living in) a house alone as a single girl. Not sure if that made sense.

There was a line that resonated with how I was feeling. The present is a drag. Colin Firth counters to that statement...what makes you think the future won't be a drag. I don't know. But I cling to the hope of a better day.

caricatures and cartwheels

Caricature

Suah is right. She usually is. She commented on my last entry that I'm like a caricature of myself sometimes. Yes...especially this blog. I exaggerate and embellish. I also try to be a little entertaining. I don't lie -- well, at least not intentionally.

Caricature is defined as "A representation, especially pictorial or literary, in which the subject's distinctive features or peculiarities are deliberately exaggerated to produce a comic or grotesque effect." Yeah, this blog is that. That's why it bothers me and intrigues me at the same time when people who don't know me feel like they know me via my blog entries. I was told by someone I've never met that my blog entries revealed that I was a very lonely girl. Of course my blog entries do let you know my preoccupations, worries, and woes. But it's definitely not my most faithful attempt at "describing" self. Yes, I'm probably lonely. Maybe even lonelier...or maybe not that lonely?

My readers who are my friends probably do get the added benefit of knowing what is on my mind -- much better than those "friends" who ask, "how are you?" expecting nothing more or less than "fine." There are some people who call themselves "friends" when they're genuinely disinterested in your life, woes, and wows. Rukku asked me how I was today. I told her "my blog will tell you." She laughed. She reads my blog but is a smart cookie and knows that there is probably more (or less) going on in my life (mind) than what the blog portrays.

I have two friends who let me read their semi-private blogs. One friend explained that s/he had nothing to hide from me. If that's the reason for free license to read uncensored thoughts...that boils down to two possible reasons...(1) my regard for them is of utmost importance or (2) whatever I think has relatively little or no weight. Or the blog actually does not contain uncensored material! :) Or, I'm dead wrong and over-analyzing. Anyhow, the reason my blog is not private is because I'm writing for an audience. My future stalker. My friends who may want to see my writing improve and my censored thoughts.


Cartwheels

I used to be and am still bad at physical education (or gym...whatever your school called it). I was uncoordinated from birth. I was always the last one chosen to join a gym class's [insert sport name] team because of my lack of athletic prowess. I never knew how to do a cartwheel. I was the only one on my missions team who couldn't ride a bicycle at the age of eighteen (going on nineteen). I can't parallel-park for the life of me. Being bad at sports and things related to sports will forever feel like a scarlet letter to me. I'm the weakest link. The only one who can't do what everyone else seems to be able to do as a birthright or something! Ughs.

When I see people dating and in committed relationships, the same feeling of inadequacy and incompetence permeates(there must be a better verb...sweeps?) through me. I feel like the last one chosen (or never chosen) to join a "team" in gym-class. I feel like the only one who can't do a cartwheel. The only one who can't ride a bicycle. Relationships seem like a birthright to so many people, but not to me.

great thing about being single: I was told by two sources who do not read my blog that relationships cost a lot of money and takes a lot of effort. The cons of dating are not necessarily the pros of not dating. However, money talk is awkward so that qualifies as a perk.

sad thing about being single: you start to wonder if there's something inherently wrong with you...wonder if there's writing on your forehead that says "do not pick" that only you are oblivious to.


This entry was probably my best attempt at expressing my uncensored thoughts.

paranoia, paranoia...everybody's coming to get me!

My life in the past week and a half has been so eventful. Eventful only because my paranoia got the better of me. According to my sister, I don't deserve to have the affliction of paranoia...because I'm the type of person who does things very haphazardly. I should be chill if I'm willing to do things in this manner...yet, I get so paranoid and expect perfection as an output, while putting a lot less than perfection as an input (more about this at the end of this entry!). The only person I know who is more paranoid than me is my mom.

Paranoia episode #1

The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) e-mailed me about interviewing me for their summer honors program last week. I already have a gig with the Tax Department at Ernst & Young but I am so interested! I would love to work for the SEC! Government! Securities work! Washington DC! Also, since EY's start and end dates allow me to have a 6-7 week internship right after school, I am greedy for this opportunity. However, who knows whether the SEC would (1) give me the position and (2) allow me to split my summer. That is not the point of the entry though. The point is...out of excitement, I forwarded the e-mail I received from the SEC to a lot of my friends. However, no one got it. I kept e-mailing it again and again (checking with them if it arrived)....and then got very paranoid about this government conspiracy of not letting recipients of government e-mails to forward these e-mails. I'm always ready to perform a full out Google search when I have a question. I discovered that some e-mails can be manipulated to prohibit it from being forwarded. So I panicked! OH NO. THE GOVERNMENT IS NOT LETTING ME FORWARD MY E-MAILS. They are keeping track of my every movement!

The next several days (even today), I kept getting bounced e-mails back...not only did the government e-mail I forwarded to my friends bounce back, but normal emails I sent out that week also were undelivered. Later I discovered with the help of Nick that this was because I had changed the master-password for my u-mich e-mail but hadn't changed it in the Google-server. Bahs. And here I was freaking out that the government was spying and reading all my e-mails. Woes.

Another woe that keeps weighing down my heart is a spelling error in the e-mail I sent to the SEC lawyer. When I discovered that my response e-mail didn't make it to her, out of sheer panic, I quickly used my i-Phone (at the gym) to tell her what was up. I spelled "delivered" as "delievered." I couldn't sleep well because of this error. It stressed me out a lot. It still stresses me out.

Paranoia episode #2

This morning, I got paranoid because of an incident that occurred after I asked my favorite professor, Professor Logue, a question. He answered the question and asked "Mizzzzzz Kim" (using what he calls, his red-neck Southern drawl)if I understood. I quickly said dismissively, "Wait a minute, I'm doing the math!" Because my brain was busy doing basic arithmetic, I unintentionally dismissed my professor crush with a rather chilly voice. I'm sure he didn't take it to <3 but I'm paranoid that he hates me and thinks I'm a rude rude girl. Double woes.
Life-long paranoia

So I "steal" things. Well, not intentionally!!! So when I'm somewhere...and there's something lying around that looks like something I own, I always manage to (챙겨) bring it back with me. Pencils, pencil cases, little stuffed animals, hole-punchers. I'm so good at keeping track of stuff that looks like my stuff! But...when I come home, I discover later...that I possess two identical things. I see two stuffed animals...two blue hole-punchers...and I realize then that what I brought back belonged to someone else! After all, the Industrial Revolution took place and things are mass produced nowadays. My things are not so unique as to eliminate the possibility that someone else owns the same exact thing. This habit has calmed down a bit but recently I discovered that I owned two blue hole-punchers. How did that happen? Whose property did I steal? What is the penalty for unintentional theft? Woes.

Silly silly (incompetent) me.

So, after getting so much chocolate from Liz, Sally and I decided to get her ice-cream from Jeni's that Tina enjoyed so much. Today, I received an e-mail addressed to my e-mail account but something was totally off. They referred to me as Elizabeth Cha.



"[Elizabeth][t]hank you again for your order from Jeni's Splendid Ice Creams!"

When I clicked on the link to check the status of the order...it was on its way to Ann Arbor.



...


I had put Liz's address as the billing address and my own address as the shipping address.


Triple, quadruple woes.

I am utterly unimpressed with myself. I will get four pints of ice-cream I ordered for Liz tomorrow.

valograms < 3

So at our law school, for Valentines, the acappella group comes and sings for you if someone bought you a valogram. Last year, Andrea bought me one...I was so embarrassed. It's so embarrassing because they sing and come towards you...making so much eye contact. But it's for a good cause and it's actually hilarious if you're not the recipient. I love watching professors get red when students send them love songs.

I didn't expect any today-- but I got two! Thank you "God" and Stephanie Yoshida and Sally! I felt very loved.

"God" sent me the song "A Whole New World." Absolutely my favorite.



Stephanie and Sally sent me "My Life Would Suck Without You." I was caught off guard...and so embarrassed.



I was going to go on a woe-rampage (that I previewed about in yesterday's entry) because I was the agent for three boys in love with three girls in law school (ie., I purchased valograms for their sweethearts and wrote mushy stuff in the cards for them). However, being Ms. Popular and Ms. Loved this year, there is no need for me to go on a Job-like woe-rampage.

In other news (Nick Chang phrase), I will share one pet peeve I have as a student. This has been a pet peeve for more than a decade!

I cannot stand textbooks with questions/queries on one page...and answers/analysis on another page...on the back. See example:





It makes me angry when I have to flip back and forth to understand the problem. When I become semi-important in my workplace in the future, I will do what a partner at my previous job did. Make people give me copies of everything single-sided. No need to flip! Though...it is slightly...or majorly environmentally unfriendly.

I have the biggest headache. Not sure if it's due to the weather or due to my paranoia about lots of things in life.

so much chocolate!

Haha. So Sally is leaving to visit NYC this weekend. Tina is also gone this weekend-- attending a wedding in Houston. So, I'm all alone on V-day weekend. I will get a lot of work done. I promise my huge readership. I skipped my morning class today. I woke up really early but just didn't feel like going because I knew I wasn't as prepared as I wanted to be. I hope Professor Kahn doesn't hate me.

Today I received two packages for both Sally and me from Liz. She sent us gourmet chocolate!! When Sally came home, she semi panicked and went to her room and brought another box of chocolate for me (an identical one that Liz got us). She had meant to leave it for me when she went to NYC so I wouldn't be so lonely.

<3 Last time I exchanged chocolate was in 2007 when I was a small group leader. Each member of the small group had another girl...and we gave Godiva good business. Their truffles are amazing. What a commercial holiday. Bear with my bitterness. :) The chocolates I received today are amazing! I won't lament too much on Valentine's Day. I promise. I have much to lament about tomorrow...but that is for tomorrow. P.S. When I pick Sally up from her Patent Law class...I always park at the handicap spot...(but I'm inside the car). Wonder if that is a violation...