what o'clock?

I e-mailed my mom a few days ago saying that living through my twenties was harder than I expected. I was basically lamenting without using too many words. I told her I wanted to be thirty asap. She responded back saying that I was luckier than most and that learning to be grateful for where I was and what I have now would be the first step to finding inner peace. She's probably right. I am grumbling when I am so blessed. While I'm having fun for the most part, the twenties is semi a drag too. I feel insecure, alone, and generally dissatisfied.

I just read an interview of a Korean actress who is in her early forties. She has been acting for twenty years. The question posed to her was -- what o'clock are you at in your life as an actress (direct translation, sorry)? She said, she's at around 1:00pm in her life as an actress. She feels comfortable where she is and she doesn't feel the urgent need to prove anything. That was a pretty interesting question. I'm probably at 9:00am? Maybe a little earlier or later. Just around the time where things are starting to pick up...but it's too early to tell and I haven't proven anything yet. To myself or the world. I can't wait to be thirty years old. But at thirty (five years later), would I find peace?