"bad investments"

I've made some bad investments in people, both female and male. I didn't make too many bad investments in females -- maybe one or two lemons came in and out of my life. But there are some bad investments I've made in the opposite gender. I guess I can say this in hindsight because things didn't quite work out with the male investments.  So it might not be a totally fair assessment. Talking about relationships and people in this manner is probably not commendable either. Whatever. What's especially terrible about this is that because they're living and breathing, their mere existence is a constant reminder of how lame I was. I was lame for caring. I was lame for expending emotional energy. I'm not saying they were bad human beings (maybe one or two were "bad") -- they were just bad for me.

I will probably continue to waste my time and emotional energy on lemons only to find a future, more critical and rational me get incredibly and unbelievably frustrated with former me and all her bad life decisions (I plagiarized someone's exact words). Though I promised not to complain about my state, I still do. Two friends (newly made!) today told me something quite wise. I can't depend on others to make myself feel emotionally secure. If I do that, the moment that person withdraws affection from me, I'll be screwed. I can't give that much power to another individual. Yes. They're right. Anyway, I can't wait to strike gold! But is there such a thing?

I need to start withdrawing the affection and enthusiasm I've shown to the latest lemon(s) in my life. Wish me luck.