gunning obligations

Maybe it's because I'm Asian. I don't like raising my hand when someone else is speaking. It seems rude. I also don't like to compete with people to get the attention of the professor. That was why it was so hard for me to participate in Criminal Law last year. Everyone was dying to participate and they for sure did not care if their hands were raised when someone else was speaking. I for sure was not dying to participate. I also didn't want to be rude and raise my hand with a scowl when someone else was sharing their valuable (?) opinions/perspectives.

Today, before class started, I told Prof. Kahn that I was unprepared because of a take home exam. He was extremely nice about it. But a little too nice. It started getting really really awkward...when he had called on everyone but me. Every moment was so awkward...as he looked at the seating chart...and paused...and tried to find anyone but me (he really was trying!). He had to start calling on the same people over again. And then...later he called on me for an easy one...prefacing it with..."I know you haven't prepared for class today...but Ms. Kim!" Ugh, I wanted to die. But I was relieved that he called on me. You feel terrible not carrying your weight when a class is so small. Now, I must be prepared tomorrow. He was so gracious about the whole deal. But I can't ever let him down again. I will become excellent. Hopefully.

I also have to gun in Japanese Law tomorrow. For some reason, every single other person participated last week. I don't understand how that happened. Usually, there are a few kids who refuse to speak in any given class. I'm not usually one of them...but it turned out that I was the only one in the class who hadn't spoken last Wednesday. Japanese Law is actually a really hard class to gun in. Especially since I take that class with my blood-related sibling. Too hard to be impressive older sibling!

I have gunning obligations for tomorrow. I hope I know when to start talking...and stop talking. I hope the material I'm about to read is relatively intuitive. I hope I won't hate me after tomorrow for being a bad gunner...or a really good one. I just need to be mediocre. That will be sufficient.

TAKE HOME EXAM OVER. 1 class down...5 more classes to go!